This Is Not About Death, It's About Life
It's about both. They are inseparable. I’m here to leave you with some perspective that may help you prepare for your inevitable transformation, in no small part by living a more fulfilling life.
Billionaires have proven that taxes are not inevitable. Having avoided those, they are now throwing their money at trying to prevent death for themselves as well. The average person doesn’t suffer from similar delusions on either front. Yet, we do go to great lengths to avoid thinking about death. You’ve made it past that psychological hurdle to read this, kudos. I’m here to leave you with some perspective that may help you prepare for your inevitable transformation, in no small part by living a more fulfilling life.
Dealing With Reality
We all die.
We all think we have time.
We all think our current situation will last forever.
Awareness and acceptance are the path to making the most of death.
The phrase “no birth, no death” is a Buddhist concept that signifies the two transformations are part of the same whole. Without one, we would not have the other. This acknowledgement takes some sting out of the end. If we were to wish away death, we would also be doing away with the other beautiful parts of the transformational cycle of life.
Stoic philosophers teach us to think of ourselves as dead, and from there look at the remainder of our lives as a second chance. A precious gift we appreciate with a new perspective. Seneca offered a unique perspective on death, offering, “to think we look forward toward death. Most of death is already gone. Whatever time has passed is owned by death.” We die every day.
Memento mori is a call to remember the inevitability of death. An ancient Roman tradition had a slave behind a victorious general during triumphant parades. The slave would whisper to the general, “Respice post te. Hominem te esse memento. Memento mori!” which translates to “Look behind. Remember you are mortal. Remember you must die!”. The intent was to prevent arrogance, and what is ignoring our own mortality and squandering our time but arrogance, which we ourselves pay the price for?
Plan Accordingly
We can let our actions be driven by our desire to avoid death, or we can use death to focus our use of time better. Without death, our time would have less meaning. A never-ending stream of tomorrows would render experience less precious.
After acceptance, it’s time for action. Living well is the answer to the fear of death. That requires a plan. Life planning has been an interest of mine since my early 20s. I’ve studied and adapted my approach, but one consistent piece has been grounded in deathbed regrets. I’ll leave it to you to research them; suffice it to say, there are common themes to the regrets of the dying. Taking Steven Covey’s advice to “Begin with the end in mind.”, I always include the perspective they offer when imagining how I want my life to unfold.
Take time to remove the fear from the inevitable. If you believe in heaven or hell AND you’ve been a bad person, you’ve got some cause for worry. If not, what is to fear?. It is common to fear the unknown, but it is also avoidable suffering.
Summon your inner child and imagine yourself as Peter Pan, who told Captain Hook, “To die will be an awfully big adventure.” The unknown can be fantastic. That’s the point, you don’t know. If it is in death as it is in life, your focus could help determine your reality. Contemplating death from non-fearful perspectives prepares us, easing suffering at the end.
The mindful call to be here now also prepares us for death. Our options are simple: be present and engaged in the moment we are living and breathing in, or spend our time in our own heads. Thinking about the past and imagining the future are fine in small doses for specific purposes. Done too often, they prevent us from truly living our lives. Savor all moments, the good and the bad, for the flavor they add to life. Our attempts to rush to the peaks and avoid the mundane or painful moments rob us of the full depth of life.
There is another element of end-of-life planning that shouldn’t be ignored: logistics. Financial matters, how you’d like your care to proceed, and how you want your remains to be handled. I’ve been blessed in that I haven’t even had to deal with the death of close loved ones. I don’t have experience to offer. Do your own research here; your loved ones will be grateful.
Understanding the end
Most religions and spiritual traditions have beliefs about the afterlife or reincarnation. I can’t tell you what’s next. I haven’t died yet, that “I” can recall.
Terror Management Theory suggests that human beings strive to leave a legacy as an attempt at symbolic immortality. That legacy could be amassing wealth, contributing to society, or even contributing to the lives of other human beings at the individual level. In this way, echoes of ourselves do live on. Even our bodies are made up of elements of many different things throughout our lives. This is the concept of interbeing in Buddhism. Our bodies are a wick for the flame that is us. The flame is passed on through our actions while we are alive, and that is part of us just as much as our bodies.
As for the reality of end-of-life, I’ll share a few TED Talks I saw recently; I found them enlightening and comforting, in a way that unmasked the unknown. I hope you do as well.
May your end be far off, and may you be prepared for it when it arrives